Migraine Musings Part II
““He was despised and rejected by others;
a man of suffering and acquainted with infirmity; and as one from whom others hide their faces he was despised, and we held him of no account.
Surely he has borne our infirmities and carried our diseases; yet we accounted him stricken, struck down by God, and afflicted.”
In the previous post of this series I talked about how God does not make suffering happen for our benefit or God’s ill will. It’s crucial to understand that, though God does not have a hand in creating the situations that cause us pain, God does not abandon us to suffer alone either.
During any migraine I experience, I can lose my vision, experience numbness in my hands, arms, chest, throat and face, get incredibly nauseous, and am often sensitive to lights and sounds. I also experience “brain fog,” which means I can’t focus or think clearly for long periods of time. Although the actual pain of the headache usually lasts about 4 to 6 hours, the other symptoms might continue for days or even weeks and the most pervasive of the symptoms is a constant state of exhaustion. Migraines are often invisible to those around the person experiencing them. Most people with migraines just look exhausted and strained, and the list of symptoms appears deceptively unimpressive in comparison to the excruciating level to which the person with a migraine experiences them. It is not easy to explain neurological symptoms or a level of pain that most have never had to experience. Growing up, my physical migraine symptoms made it hard to function in my everyday life and I felt isolated from the people around me who did not have similar experiences. Any situation is made harder when suffered in isolation. However, on the flipside, the load can be lightened when we are accompanied by those who love us.
In moments of pain and isolation in that pain, knowing that Jesus suffered too is of great comfort to me. He was whipped and spit on. He was mocked and beaten. Long before entering Jerusalem he wept over the death of a friend, tossed temple tables, and raged against injustice. He was crucified, descended to the dead and then came back. Even after he rose he encountered doubt and denial. Each of the Gospels paints a picture of a man who lives the full breadth of human joy and suffering. There is no human experience Jesus does not fully comprehend. After all the loneliness of my childhood struggle with migraines, knowing that God is present in and knowing of my experience in this way, is a huge comfort.
I may not expect God to create a cure for my headaches. I certainly don’t imagine that the Holy Spirit will descend on my head like a dove and cure my illness. However, I absolutely believe that Jesus understands and is present in every moment of my anguish, anger and agony.
It is ever so tempting to think that God doesn’t care about the world because God doesn’t magically fix everything. We sometimes pray that God would descend to earth and rattle the stars until everyone does exactly what we think they should be doing.
Being faithful at this time in history isn’t about expecting divine intervention or magical remedies, or even a return to “normal”. Instead, it is the trust that God sits with us in the ashes of a burned out world. God knows what it is to suffer and to do so alone and misunderstood. Faith in this time is knowing that God will not leave us to toil and grieve alone. God sits in our destruction with us and when we are ready to rise again, God will be the wind that ignites are flames.